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IN THE COURSE OF NUMEROUS MOE VS FURF COMPETITIONS, A NEW PERRYVILLE LEGEND EMERGED WITH A FEW COMMENTS. DUE TO THE PROFOUND NATURE OF SOME OF HIS MESSAGES, PEFCA RESERVED A SPOT ON THE MF SUPERSITE FOR HIS TIPS AND MUSINGS...

A NEW WEB PAGE WAS PRESENTED BY MOE & FURF ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF DEEPER UNDERSTANDING AND WISDOM IN THE AREAS OF LIFE AND BUILDING MAINTENANCE

WHAT’S THE FIRST THING CALVIN NOTICED WHEN WALKING INTO THE DOVER HIGH SCHOOL GYM???

"THERE’S SEVEN BULBS BURNED OUT"

PEFCA CENTRAL RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM CALVIN HIMSELF; AFTER READING THE EMAIL, WE FELT COMPELLED TO RENAME THE SITE FROM CALVIN’S TOOLBOX TO CAL’S TOOLBOX & MIRROR MUSINGS

Cal #1

alas, i have arrived upon the scene with the answers to the problems that have plagued mankind for endless ages and an occassional maintenance tip from the old "toolbox" the question was asked why i carry a handerchief on me, well, besides the obvious answers such as looking cool with a pair of wrap around shades astride a large shiny scooter, and gagging the noisy 1st grader who sits on the bus behind you, and perhaps even it's importance as nasal obstruction retrival tool, it has magical properties when used in conjuntion with a pair of channel loc[tm] pliers, no longer will you be bothered by unsightly "bitemarks" to your chrome plumbing caused by unprotected wrenching, just wrap up that precious chromed out faucet and crank away without the worry of unwanted "striations"

And...... while we are on the subject of chrome, i am a personal mission to convince the custodial staff at PHS that all these plumbing companies did not go thru all the trouble to chrome all these plumbing parts to let them go thru life unappreciated, i'm not talking about weekly or even monthly polishing, but,come on people! a couple times a year with a quality polishing paste would brighten the day of any patron of the lew!

And finally.... I was shaving my head this morning thinking about bowling with 1 side of my brain and crappie fishing with the other, and another thought came to me that perplexed me so, if we get the F out of PEFCA, Who? i ask, will lead the PECA's, Who?, I ask will be that shining star to go forward into the new millenium? Who? i ask, will be PECA HEAD?

I rest my case............Cal

Cal #2

greetings and salutations to all, I have a travesty to report of utmost importance so I'll get right to it , no beatin' roun' the bush, no lolly gaggin', no draggin' my feet with senseless babblin' about the difference in lite bulb wattage importance or the use of mulching blades on the lawn mower as a viable excuse for not rakin' the football field with a yard rake and a trash can, you'll not hear me go on and on with the serious task of door hinge lubrication or ice machine cleaning, no siree! there will be none of that here, so let's get it on!

Friday nite at Bigelow, I was enjoying a butt-kickin' being administered by the Sr. girls when it occurred to me that my bladder was 'bout to splatter, so after making my way to the gentlemen's room to take care of business, I was in shock to find the plumbing on the urinals with a green-like mold on them, "Christmas decor?" I asked myself, but no, simply years of neglect left to speak for itself that I can describe with only three words DIS-GUS-TING. But on the brighter side of things, I am pleased to report that was the only serious maintenance violation I observed.

And now for my game report, and knowing that I am treading on sacred ground having the esteemed MOE & FURF to offer these insights, I hope to not step on any toes and submit any apologies if therefore required, but.........The three stooges that were dressed like referees that supposedly called those games were nuttier than a peanut processing plant! I think in their case the term "official" would fit them nicely......."OFFICIAL JACKASS" but, that's just my opinion. cal

I would also like to include that this commentary is solely the view of the CT&MM segment of this website and does not necessarily express the outlook of the MFSL/ PEFCA.

PEFCA NOTE: Let it be known that any opinions expressed concerning officials are wholeheartedly endorsed by PEFCA, MFSL, Moe & Furf….

well, it's here..... 2005, a year that I know will be filled with exciting adventures in bldg. maintenance, and I have pondered on these chores and am facing one of the most dreaded events that has cost me hours of sleeplessness the past few nights, what, you may ask could cause a grown man to tremble in fear and break out in night sweats? the "demonic hairball" that is clogging the floor drain in the girls bathroom? the elusive leak in the library roof that seems to move about like it is possessed by the spirit of a tap dancing elf? or maybe even the fear of discovering the source of that funky, "something musta' died in here after eatin' a cow-crap sandwich" smell in the field house?

NO! nothing that simple or mundane, that would be like sippin' soup thru a straw compared to the horror that I face of cleaning out................the maintenance truck! that's right! it's time to clean up "ol' Smokey!" and not because of the flawless gray paint on the body panels of this sleek V-8 powered beast of '84 Dodge 4x4"show truck" do I call her this, but from the beautiful blue smoke that she emits from her exhaust tubing as she goes about her tasks that could be compared to the contrails of a high-flying passenger jet, yes folks, somewhere in the confines of this honey there's a complete set of drill bits I haven't seen in 6 months, 3 cordless drills w/ extra batteries, a skil saw, countless screwdriver bits, nuts, bolts, screws of every size,description and use, 4 pairs of gloves, 200 foot of nylon rope,stainless steel switch covers, drop lights, drop cloths, extension cords, toilet gaskets, pliers,pry bars, nail pullers, set screws, hex wrenches, p-traps, mouse traps, roach bait, wasp spray,circuit breakers, shovels, hoes, picks, hammers, pipe wrenches,lite bulbs,ohmmeters,wire nuts, mixed nuts,all those invoices I swore I gave to the bookkeeper and a multitude of gadgets that make life easier, and I hate to even think what is in the tool box in the back of the truck! heck, Jimmy Hoffa could be back there for all I know! But I resolve to solve this untidy situation in a timely manner.

And furthermore, I would like to dispel any rumors of a conspiracy as far of the events of Friday evenings outing concerning Coach Watts, Coach Campbell, Moe and Furf. The coaches merely wished to award and thank the Legends for their undying support and service to the basketball team with a nice meal at a respectable restaurant, followed by the observance of a relaxing game of basketball with Coach Heath and the rest of the Razorback b-ball team. knowing these fine men I doubt if the "F" was ever mentioned, I heard they sang camp-fire songs on the way up to the hill and discussed the upcoming Sunday school lesson on the way home, and besides, two outstanding, quality individuals such as Moe 'n' Furf could never be swayed with such meager offerings.

And finally, while I was shavin' my head this morning a thought came to me...... why don't we have a bowling team at the almighty Maroon 'n' Gray? or a Billiards team for cryin' out loud! and kids don't even know what your talkin' about when you mention a "cat eye", "aggie" or a "shooter" in the revered game of marbles, we are all going to be governed one day by this younger generation who counts as their accomplishments scoring a gazillion points on some mindless game projected by a one eyed monster, we need to get more of these kids out 'n' roll 'em 'round in the mud and expose them to the "real world" and I ain't talking about the show on MTV.

PEFCA NOTE: After checking the moeandfurf@hotmail.com mailbox while viewing the end of an outstanding performance in the Orange Bowl, PEFCA CENTRAL wholeheartedly proclaims that THE ULTIMATE PERFORMANCE OF JANUARY 4, 2005 was not accomplished by a bunch of 18-23 year-olds in Miami dressed in maroon and yeller………..

But by the REAL SOUTHERN CAL dressed in denim blue laying on the floorboard with his right arm performing a blind exploration to an uncharted world under the passenger side just behind the seat belt mount…..

Cal #4

Well I'm finally back and dang proud to be here I must say, it seems like that pesky "F" bug was a little harder to eradicate then I initially expected, but hey ! computers aren't my specialty, but fortunately I have a "nerd" in the family that got-er- did!

And by the way, This episodes maintenance tip comes from the "git-r-dun" files, have you ever been plagued with a leaky wall toilet or urinal? sure ya have. Have you struggled with diggin' all that ol' caulk from around to get it unstuck from the wall? me too! Did you cuss like a sailor on shore leave in disgust at the obscenity of this task? I did! well, this job can be accomplished with a few simple items found in most tool boxes. All ya' need is an ol' metal butter knife (bk) and a propane torch (pt), just hot the end of that bk with the pt and you'll zip thru that crap faster 'n corn thru a goose! make sure while you are concentrating on working with the bk you keep the pt pointed in a safe direction, there's nuthin' worse then havin' a fire alarm screamin' in your ear while your a workin', you'll even have an opportunity to use that handkerchief you should be carryin' in your pocket, unless your not allergic to 3rd degree hand burns and I don't know 'bout what goes on 'roun' yer place, but, the"nurse" is not a place I choose to frequent, anywho, just follow this tip an' you'll have these all important portals repaired in record time.

I got more to say but no time as of now, I would like to add that I have been to the Temple of Socal Tranquility to burn incense and meditate for countless hours and finally gave up and went and peeled the ol' onion an' came up with this conclusion; To "H" with those punks who want the "F" out! who wants to be affiliated with a PECA? not I ! We are the USA, not the UA, we are FBA, not FA, and God help me, I will never be associated with a NAAP as long as there's a NAPA parts store close by! You may have to excuse me for YELLIN' but, It just ain't GELLIN' with my thinkin' , but just bein' a guest of this web-site I suppose I shouldn't be a gettin' a riled-up over this subject and go on my merry way, nail my nails, paint my paints and screw all them no goo...................... screws. peace out!!! socal

Cal #5

Buenos Dios and howdy y'all, As Winter winds down and Spring seems to be right around the corner, it's time to start thinkin' about the one thing that makes Summertime the time of year that i live for, "Grass growin' time" and i'm not talkin' 'bout the roll 'em an' tokem kind, but the thick, luxurious carpet of bermuda grass that adorns the football field, yes folks, now is the time to clean up all those winter weeds that have poppped-up during the past few monthswith a good dose of glysophate/ non-selective herbicide, and maybe start thinkin' about a pre-emergence to keep all those spring weeds from sproutin', and although i could go on for countless hours on brands of products and methods of control for different situations, i will not! every situation is different and what works for me might not be the correct choice for you, perhaps someone such as your county extension agent can help you with a perticular problem or concern as well as offer you lots of free literature and info,HEY! it's free! use it!

And as far as the "F" thing is concerned, i have been pondering on this for the past few days and it has my mind a whirlin' like a hemi-powered ice cream churn at a fat- boys birthday party, i think even though the vote has been tallied, i would not be suprised if a recount was demanded and voter certification be scrutinized under a microscope, i have heard the terms "RIGGED" and "TAMPERING" used more than once recently.

And finally, congratulations to the Jr.Lady Mustangs BB team who brought home the wood and sent Ola home on the L-train for the district championship! Good job girls and i am out! Socal

Cal #6

alas, spring is in the air, birds are singing, flowers are blooming, 3rd grade romances in seat 14 on the bus, all the usual signs including all the crap we will have to endure in the form of pollen for the next few months, my eyes look like I've been cryin' for my mommy, my nose is runnin' like a cheap pair of pantyhose, and my throat feels rougher than a chicken-pecked, sun-bleached corn cob, other than that, I'm doin' alright.

Instead of a helpful tip this episode, I want to direct my comment to a subject that has been discussed in great detail 'round our place the past few weeks...... yes folks, it's...

REF-TRASHIN' TIME!

I'm not talkin' about those, "hey ref, that was a bad call!" guys, but the knuckle- draggin', mouth breathin' nitwits who disguise themselves in black 'n' white striped uniforms to spew their venom (or maybe it's ventom?) upon the hardworking and loyal players and fans. I suppose if you flunked brain surgery, rocket science or quantum physics and still wanted to use your superior cranial powers to exceed in life, you can become a basketball ref-r-ee. I also suppose that is why I do not understand all the "so-called" questionable judgements made by these fellas, with me just bein' the simple,country -grown hayseed that I am, I just can't compete with these intellectual superpowers.

BULLCORN !

Hey guys, cavemen discovered fire, Columbus found a round world, Galileo saw deep into the stars and Iron Butterfly found out if you sang the song,"In The Garden Of Eden" stoned out of your gourd it came out,"Inna Godda Da Vida" and yes, my eyesight is still good enough to see a foot on the out o' bounds line, I know what constitutes a foul and i'm pretty sure I have a grasp on the 3 second lane violation ruling, not counting all the pushing, shovin',over the back, elbow throwin', eye- spittin',chargin',blockin' and walkin', a lot of which went un- noticed. Me thinks these goobers received their training from the Stevie Wonder School of Basketball Refereeology,(is that a word?) Anywho, despite all their efforts to screw us outta' bunch of games, i've got to give our kids a 10 for effort and heart, the refs will receive a 1 for gracing us with their presence, on the other hand, I think i'll change that to a .5 for accepting pay for a job,"NOT WELL DONE!"

Shavin' the head, goin' to bed........i am out! Socal

Cal #7

Well, i'm back. And after much pondering i have come to the conclusion that there is nothing prettier than a pair of sprinklers rotating in the pre-dawn light, or the feel of the hand grips on the paint striping rig as you prepare the field for battle, and don't forget the aroma of hamburgers being grilled by tail-gaters,yeah buddy! it's football time, and after a long,hot summer i'm personally ready for some cool nites and some hot games. So far this season the Sr. Mustangs have outscored their opponents 89-0, way to go guys, good luck and keep it up!

For this episodes maint. tip, here's a handy trick i used this past summer, being faced with the task of painting the hallway and the 8 inch wide, 240 foot long maroon stripe that adorns it, i had to pull a rabbit outta' my hat, know everyone knows i have the steady hands of a nuerosurgeon and the artistic ability of Picasso, but the clock was running and i had to get 'er done, when i got to the stripe painting part i popped some lines with a chalk line and taped it with that pretty blue tape they show on TV, well "what's so hard about that?" you might ask, did i mention that it was a concrete block wall with the mortar joint from Hell? "SO WHAT!" you say, o.k., heres the trick part of the story, I sealed the tape line itself with painters caulk and after removing, SHAZZZZAM what a nice crisp line i had, yes, i spent $15 for tape and $9 for caulk, which leads me to another question, do you know why pretty blue tape, caulk and divorces are so expensive? ('cause they're worth it!)Just remember, your line will only be as straight as you tape it.

And finally........ I was rubbin'my noggin and musing to myself the other day when i recalled time in my life when things were simpler, life was a joy, no money problems , worry-free days upon end that i thought would never stop............ then mom put me on the bus to kindergarten............... it's been down hill since then, see ya' @ school! socal out

Cal #8

As i sit here and watch the flogging being administered to the hogs by usc, i can only wonder where these refs are from, they can't get a call right after watching it on replay, what a bunch of goobers, you may or may not know this but i am a native Californian, HEY, mom and dad just happened to be livin' there when i arrived, they are both from back here but as with their generation everyone went west to make their fortune i guess that would make me a "califarkian" I forgave them many years ago for not making the trip to Arkansas to have me, but they were too busy farming as it was the spring of the year, but i grew up learning the knowledge and ways of the "land of oppurtunity" as it was called before the natural state was hung on us, i learned how to speak correctly and carry myself like a true "Arky" as mom and dad would say. Any-o-who, i'm proud to be here, proud of the way our Hogs are representing us, you can't always judge a book by it's cover, a football team by the score it produces, or a group of people by the state they happen to call home.

I also heard some words the other day in an english class that they were defining and using in sentences, i gotta' tell ya' , these kids now days have it all wrong, they don't know the art of articulate speaking, two words they were working with that i remember vividly were 'ligify' and 'rectify'. I heard my brother ask my other brother one day as he was standin' on top of the chicken coop, "you think it would break my ligify jumped down off here?" and my other brother said, " I don't know, but last night i would of rectify hit that cow in the middle of the road!" We had proper rearin'.

if this e-mail brings a tear to your eye, i did my job! socal..........outta' here!

AS SUDDENLY AS SOCAL APPEARED ON THE SCENE, HE DISAPPEARED WITH NO MORE BITS OF WISDOM. MOE & FURF NATION IS STILL HOPING HE WILL SPEAKS TO US ALL AGAIN SOMEDAY.......